I think improbably said it before......but I'm going to remind myself again
IT'S OK TO NOT BE OK!!!!!!!!!
that's kind of refreshing - especially for a day like today. I'm not, I can be ok, but for today I'm not. I'm not the only one in the boat that I'm in, I'm not the only one going through and dealing with what I've been dealt today, but it doesn't make it any harder. Are there things to help? Of course, there always is. Are those things guaranteed to help? No, they never are.
I suppose it's a part of life, the struggles, but I don't want them. At least not this one. I could say it's not fair, but since when is a struggle "fair"? I would be wasting my time throwing that pity party.
For today I will be a little hurt, for today (and probably many days) I will be scared/nervous/stressed (which ultimately isn't good), but tomorrow I will be better. Tomorrow will be day 1! Tomorrow I won't be so sad, or so scars, or so nervous. Tomorrow I might still NOT be ok, but I will be closer to being ok.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
Snowmagedon
I don't know if that's the correct spelling but it's also not the important part. This past week became an impromptu vacation for me. Justin and I moved everything Saturday and on Sunday we got bombarded with snow.
Let me say that when you sit at home all day.....for a week.....you just about want to go crazy. I'm so tired of watching movies.....I say this as is it here watching another movie - but I'm over it and I'm glad to be out among the living again. I'm actually a little ready to go back to work on Monday. Don't worry you won't hear me saying that often. I did kind of enjoy being at home....Justin and I ate really yummy and healthy fully cooked meals :)
When you're home all day (especially a week when your husband is on thirds) you do a lot of thinking. I came across my blog from when I was in college. It was good, actually I kind of surprised myself reading it again. It brought back a lot of memories of things I went through, but one thing I did notice was my heart was in such a different place. I was so trusting and so confident. Almost every entry was knowing that God had a plan and reflecting on things He had been teaching me. I wonder what it would be like if I got back to that place? I've hit some rough spots and one rock bottom hitting spot and I'm rebuilding myself still. But finding this blog was good.
A lot is going on personally, nothing that I'm ready to discuss yet, but they are heavy on my own heart. I know that there is a plan and there is a reason, but it doesn't make it hurt or sometimes frustrate me any less.
Lafayette is growing on me.....it really does stink here though, due to some factories. The drivers are terrible and people still grocery shop in pajama pants.
Maybe with the new year I will find that trusting heart again, maybe all this snow was a blessing the allow me the time to not worry or stress about a thing.
Even in the worst situations (I HATE snow) something beautiful always happens
Love to you all
The McMahans
Let me say that when you sit at home all day.....for a week.....you just about want to go crazy. I'm so tired of watching movies.....I say this as is it here watching another movie - but I'm over it and I'm glad to be out among the living again. I'm actually a little ready to go back to work on Monday. Don't worry you won't hear me saying that often. I did kind of enjoy being at home....Justin and I ate really yummy and healthy fully cooked meals :)
When you're home all day (especially a week when your husband is on thirds) you do a lot of thinking. I came across my blog from when I was in college. It was good, actually I kind of surprised myself reading it again. It brought back a lot of memories of things I went through, but one thing I did notice was my heart was in such a different place. I was so trusting and so confident. Almost every entry was knowing that God had a plan and reflecting on things He had been teaching me. I wonder what it would be like if I got back to that place? I've hit some rough spots and one rock bottom hitting spot and I'm rebuilding myself still. But finding this blog was good.
A lot is going on personally, nothing that I'm ready to discuss yet, but they are heavy on my own heart. I know that there is a plan and there is a reason, but it doesn't make it hurt or sometimes frustrate me any less.
Lafayette is growing on me.....it really does stink here though, due to some factories. The drivers are terrible and people still grocery shop in pajama pants.
Maybe with the new year I will find that trusting heart again, maybe all this snow was a blessing the allow me the time to not worry or stress about a thing.
Even in the worst situations (I HATE snow) something beautiful always happens
Love to you all
The McMahans
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Lafayette
Well here we are......in Lafayette. It seems weird.....I already hate living in an apartment. Hearing the people next to you......knowing they can hear you......hate that. A old lady in our building is slightly frightening and we have already learned not to park anywhere near her - ha
I told myself I would move to Lafayette with an open mind. For every reason this was the best choice for us.....but I won't lie as soon as we turned onto 9 in Alexandria to leave I called my mom and I cried....only for a couple of minutes but I cried. I started to cry talking to dad but managed to control that. Alexandria is all I've ever known. Madison County is all I've ever known. Yes I went to school near Chicago but I was home every other weekend. Yes I lived in Indy for a while but it was such a terrible situation that I was home almost as often as I stayed there.
The difference with these places and Lafayette.......I knew people in the places. I know a couple of people here. One doesn't exactly live in Lafayette and while I know these people and call them friends.....it's weird. I don't know where anything in this town is, I don't even know how to get to my own apartment.
It was hard to move a huge house into a small apartment........
But I said I would move here with an open mind......so I am! As much as I hate it right now......I will grow to love Lafayette, the adventures that await us, the opportunities on every corner. I will find a job that I enjoy. We might look to buy a house here one day, I will learn to not turn down the wrong street.......but I WONT become a boilermaker (hence why this blog is in crimson)
I will hate Lafayette for a day or two.....but it will grow on me.....so will the people......I will meet friends - the McMahans will do big things. I usually hate change - today I definitely hate it - but change is good and this I know will become a very good thing.
I told myself I would move to Lafayette with an open mind. For every reason this was the best choice for us.....but I won't lie as soon as we turned onto 9 in Alexandria to leave I called my mom and I cried....only for a couple of minutes but I cried. I started to cry talking to dad but managed to control that. Alexandria is all I've ever known. Madison County is all I've ever known. Yes I went to school near Chicago but I was home every other weekend. Yes I lived in Indy for a while but it was such a terrible situation that I was home almost as often as I stayed there.
The difference with these places and Lafayette.......I knew people in the places. I know a couple of people here. One doesn't exactly live in Lafayette and while I know these people and call them friends.....it's weird. I don't know where anything in this town is, I don't even know how to get to my own apartment.
It was hard to move a huge house into a small apartment........
But I said I would move here with an open mind......so I am! As much as I hate it right now......I will grow to love Lafayette, the adventures that await us, the opportunities on every corner. I will find a job that I enjoy. We might look to buy a house here one day, I will learn to not turn down the wrong street.......but I WONT become a boilermaker (hence why this blog is in crimson)
I will hate Lafayette for a day or two.....but it will grow on me.....so will the people......I will meet friends - the McMahans will do big things. I usually hate change - today I definitely hate it - but change is good and this I know will become a very good thing.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Reflection: 2013
Every year of college at the end of December I would always write a reflection note....try to remember the moments of the year. I looked forward to this, it also helped update friends and family as I lived in the Chicago area for school and didn't always share life happenings regularly. The holidays are very quickly approaching and I know I will get caught up in everything......so today I write my reflection on 2013 - knowing that things could still happen in the next couple of weeks! Enjoy :)
The beginning of the year was full of birthday celebrations. In mid February I finally had my gallbladder removed after 8 long, painful and nauseous months of medicine, testing, doctors visits and ER trips. That is one body piece I will NEVER miss. I enjoyed my time off of work (ha) and hate that I can no longer eat red meat. The beginning of February was the first anniversary of my grandfather's passing. During this past year I have turned into an emotional person - I was never a heartless person (maybe towards some people) but I've always been the strong one - the supportive one - I couldn't break down because I had to hold it together for everyone else. I finally caved this year, my emotions don't get held in so much anymore.....it's not a bad thing, my grandfather was just such an inspirational person that losing him took a big piece of my heart....still kind of feels numb.
In March I started a new job at Aspire :). While my job can be stressful and some days quite frustrating (what job can't be though) I do have a pretty awesome group of co-workers who make the work days "easier" They have become like family....and most certainly became friends!
On the 3rd day of April I FINALLY convinced Justin to just elope :). I spent my lunch break at the court house in fron of Judge Newman and our mothers and committed my life to the best thing that could ever happen to me :). I'm sure I make people sick with all my posts about him but he really is great and if you knew my life that he walked into and turned his back on.....you would think so much more of him as well. Sweet Raegann also turned 1 this month and it has been a joyous second year with her.
May was rough as Justin lost his grandmother. A sweet lady that him and his sister and mom loved so much. I choose to believe her and my grandfather are watching us everyday. June 1st Justin and I celebrated our marriage with our closest friends and our family. The day started out with LOTS of rain (I believe our grandparents heavenly celebration for us) and ended with lots of sunshine. We had a great time lots of laughs were shared that day. Justin and I blessed for sure.
The summer was a lot of fun and really busy. I turned a quarter of a century old and Justin and I hit the gym like crazy becoming gym rats rather quickly. We enjoyed several concerts and bonfires in our hand built fire pit.
In a September just was hired by CSX as a conductor for,the railroads. We left mid September for our "honeymoon" in Gatlinburg. It was hands down the most relaxing and enjoyable week I think I've ever had. We were in no hurry to do anything there. We loved hiking, all the shops, the good southern food and of course our new friends Monroeville. We spent every night in the Ole Smokey Holler listening to live bluegrass music and making friend with the band and The Kickin Chicken (Roger Cook). It was so hard to come back....I could spend my life in Tennessee....that is for sure.
Two days after returning Justin left for Georgia for 6 weeks for CSX training to say I missed him is an understatement. It was rough - but he was so good at being strong for me. He excelled in the training - just like I knew he would. On September 30th I had to put our sweet Rocky boy to rest, this was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I loved the fur boy so much. He was our gentle giant, our cuddling teddy bear. We will always miss him but know,he is healthy and cancer free now.
In October we adopted our adorable Millie Jo....Cricket has become quite fond of her and she is a great addition to our home.....although no one will ever replace Rocky. We love Millie so much and all the energy she brings. Justin came home on November 2nd and I've never been so excited to get up early on a Saturday before. I told myself when I saw him I would never let him go. My love for him grew so much while he was gone. I never realized just how much he did until he wasn't here
November was really hard trying to,adjust to his,different work weeks while he's been in training. We have learned to make the most,of,all our time together. We decided to,put our house up on the market. The driving back and forth to Lafayette is becoming inconvenient and costly. We are hoping to make the move up there somewhat soon.
This year has flown by. It has been so,exciting for Justin and I. So many changes have come and so many more will happen. I hope 2013 was a joyous time for all of you. I know rough moments come but I hope overall this year was a good one. I'm looking forward to the changes, the adventures, the rough spots, the laughter, the tears and all the memories to come in 2014. Even though it's a little early Justin and I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and lots of love and blessings in the coming year.
Love,
The McMahans
The beginning of the year was full of birthday celebrations. In mid February I finally had my gallbladder removed after 8 long, painful and nauseous months of medicine, testing, doctors visits and ER trips. That is one body piece I will NEVER miss. I enjoyed my time off of work (ha) and hate that I can no longer eat red meat. The beginning of February was the first anniversary of my grandfather's passing. During this past year I have turned into an emotional person - I was never a heartless person (maybe towards some people) but I've always been the strong one - the supportive one - I couldn't break down because I had to hold it together for everyone else. I finally caved this year, my emotions don't get held in so much anymore.....it's not a bad thing, my grandfather was just such an inspirational person that losing him took a big piece of my heart....still kind of feels numb.
In March I started a new job at Aspire :). While my job can be stressful and some days quite frustrating (what job can't be though) I do have a pretty awesome group of co-workers who make the work days "easier" They have become like family....and most certainly became friends!
On the 3rd day of April I FINALLY convinced Justin to just elope :). I spent my lunch break at the court house in fron of Judge Newman and our mothers and committed my life to the best thing that could ever happen to me :). I'm sure I make people sick with all my posts about him but he really is great and if you knew my life that he walked into and turned his back on.....you would think so much more of him as well. Sweet Raegann also turned 1 this month and it has been a joyous second year with her.
May was rough as Justin lost his grandmother. A sweet lady that him and his sister and mom loved so much. I choose to believe her and my grandfather are watching us everyday. June 1st Justin and I celebrated our marriage with our closest friends and our family. The day started out with LOTS of rain (I believe our grandparents heavenly celebration for us) and ended with lots of sunshine. We had a great time lots of laughs were shared that day. Justin and I blessed for sure.
The summer was a lot of fun and really busy. I turned a quarter of a century old and Justin and I hit the gym like crazy becoming gym rats rather quickly. We enjoyed several concerts and bonfires in our hand built fire pit.
In a September just was hired by CSX as a conductor for,the railroads. We left mid September for our "honeymoon" in Gatlinburg. It was hands down the most relaxing and enjoyable week I think I've ever had. We were in no hurry to do anything there. We loved hiking, all the shops, the good southern food and of course our new friends Monroeville. We spent every night in the Ole Smokey Holler listening to live bluegrass music and making friend with the band and The Kickin Chicken (Roger Cook). It was so hard to come back....I could spend my life in Tennessee....that is for sure.
Two days after returning Justin left for Georgia for 6 weeks for CSX training to say I missed him is an understatement. It was rough - but he was so good at being strong for me. He excelled in the training - just like I knew he would. On September 30th I had to put our sweet Rocky boy to rest, this was by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I loved the fur boy so much. He was our gentle giant, our cuddling teddy bear. We will always miss him but know,he is healthy and cancer free now.
In October we adopted our adorable Millie Jo....Cricket has become quite fond of her and she is a great addition to our home.....although no one will ever replace Rocky. We love Millie so much and all the energy she brings. Justin came home on November 2nd and I've never been so excited to get up early on a Saturday before. I told myself when I saw him I would never let him go. My love for him grew so much while he was gone. I never realized just how much he did until he wasn't here
November was really hard trying to,adjust to his,different work weeks while he's been in training. We have learned to make the most,of,all our time together. We decided to,put our house up on the market. The driving back and forth to Lafayette is becoming inconvenient and costly. We are hoping to make the move up there somewhat soon.
This year has flown by. It has been so,exciting for Justin and I. So many changes have come and so many more will happen. I hope 2013 was a joyous time for all of you. I know rough moments come but I hope overall this year was a good one. I'm looking forward to the changes, the adventures, the rough spots, the laughter, the tears and all the memories to come in 2014. Even though it's a little early Justin and I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and lots of love and blessings in the coming year.
Love,
The McMahans
Monday, November 25, 2013
A little game called catch up
It is a good thing I don't blog for a living because I am terrible at keeping up with it. While it would be easy to say my typical "life has been happening" excuse....I will save it for another blog. In all honesty I'm trying to adjust to my husband being back home and his new work schedule.
Let me try to catch you up.....
Justin returned home on November 2nd it was hands down...the 2nd best day of my life (1st being when we got married....duh). I told myself I would never let go of him again.....6 weeks was long, but we survived and our love grew....and so did his beard.....but NOT my waist line as I lost 10 pounds :). Wow what a runon sentence that was :). Anyways I have been lovin on my husband (not necessarily literally....this is a family friendly blog...geesh) and enjoying our time together. He worked 2nd shift for a couple weeks and that was rough but I knew he was coming home every night. He continues to enjoy the job and all the learning that comes with and I will never cross a railroad track like normal after all I've learned from him. Watch out I just might be the next CSX conductor - ha
Millie and Cricket are doing well. Cricket is still a pain in my hind end. Millie is gaining weight - YAY!!!! She took to Justin really well and loves him.....but not as much as her momma ;)
My job is still crazy busy....my caseload is always growing it seems and as long as it's busy then I know it will be stressful. Which has lead me to a new fashion in.....hives :/. Lucky me gets to see an allergist next week for allergy testing. Gross!!!
Justin's job is different than we thought it would be. He won't be on call like we thought and his trips to Chicago will be scarce. The positive part of that is no overnights without my husband and he has his weekends off :). The negative side is more driving to Lafayette than we had expected which has led us to.......
Put our house up for sale!!! We met with a realtor last Tuesday and by the next day there was a sign in our yard. So far one person has looked at it (haven't heard either about that one yet). This is a big deal for us as we love our house, our quiet road and our across the street neighbors. However we have been talking about a change for us and well it sounds like Lafayette is going to be it
I told you from the beginning exciting things would be happening for the McMahan's and they are. Now if I could find a job and we could sell the house.....new adventures will beging.
Wishing you all a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! We have so many things to be thankful for
With love
The McMahan's
Let me try to catch you up.....
Justin returned home on November 2nd it was hands down...the 2nd best day of my life (1st being when we got married....duh). I told myself I would never let go of him again.....6 weeks was long, but we survived and our love grew....and so did his beard.....but NOT my waist line as I lost 10 pounds :). Wow what a runon sentence that was :). Anyways I have been lovin on my husband (not necessarily literally....this is a family friendly blog...geesh) and enjoying our time together. He worked 2nd shift for a couple weeks and that was rough but I knew he was coming home every night. He continues to enjoy the job and all the learning that comes with and I will never cross a railroad track like normal after all I've learned from him. Watch out I just might be the next CSX conductor - ha
Millie and Cricket are doing well. Cricket is still a pain in my hind end. Millie is gaining weight - YAY!!!! She took to Justin really well and loves him.....but not as much as her momma ;)
My job is still crazy busy....my caseload is always growing it seems and as long as it's busy then I know it will be stressful. Which has lead me to a new fashion in.....hives :/. Lucky me gets to see an allergist next week for allergy testing. Gross!!!
Justin's job is different than we thought it would be. He won't be on call like we thought and his trips to Chicago will be scarce. The positive part of that is no overnights without my husband and he has his weekends off :). The negative side is more driving to Lafayette than we had expected which has led us to.......
Put our house up for sale!!! We met with a realtor last Tuesday and by the next day there was a sign in our yard. So far one person has looked at it (haven't heard either about that one yet). This is a big deal for us as we love our house, our quiet road and our across the street neighbors. However we have been talking about a change for us and well it sounds like Lafayette is going to be it
I told you from the beginning exciting things would be happening for the McMahan's and they are. Now if I could find a job and we could sell the house.....new adventures will beging.
Wishing you all a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!! We have so many things to be thankful for
With love
The McMahan's
Sunday, October 13, 2013
No title
Im really bad at titles for this thing - oh well!!! I would promise to not fill these posts about Justin being away.....but let's face it that is my life right now. I thought things might get easier with each day.....they don't. I'm tired.....full out tired, I get frustrated on a daily basis, stupid little things agitate me and the only thing I can thing is "I'm so glad we don't have kids". I would feel so bad if I had children right now.
Work is crazy busy, it keeps me on my toes but it's busy.....almost irritating busy. However I signed up for this job and my co-workers rock so it makes it worth while.
We've hit the half way point until Justin comes home.....oh I can't wait. Tomorrow (10/14) he books his flight home....this will make things so much more realistic.
I'm realizing more and more each day just how much my husband really does around here :). I've been enjoying my time with my sister and her kids. Seeing the rest of my family all these different times - just keeping me busy.
This past Thursday we adopted a new dog. :). Cricket started acting out when we had to put Rocky down and justing thought maybe she was lonely so he suggested we look for another dog. I went to the Animal Protection League in Anderson and fell in love with Lilly.....now named Millie Jo. She is an almost 3 years old boxer mix. She is sweet and cuddly and fitting in well with our family. I can't wait for Justin to come home and meet here.
Keep watching for more from the McMahans
Work is crazy busy, it keeps me on my toes but it's busy.....almost irritating busy. However I signed up for this job and my co-workers rock so it makes it worth while.
We've hit the half way point until Justin comes home.....oh I can't wait. Tomorrow (10/14) he books his flight home....this will make things so much more realistic.
I'm realizing more and more each day just how much my husband really does around here :). I've been enjoying my time with my sister and her kids. Seeing the rest of my family all these different times - just keeping me busy.
This past Thursday we adopted a new dog. :). Cricket started acting out when we had to put Rocky down and justing thought maybe she was lonely so he suggested we look for another dog. I went to the Animal Protection League in Anderson and fell in love with Lilly.....now named Millie Jo. She is an almost 3 years old boxer mix. She is sweet and cuddly and fitting in well with our family. I can't wait for Justin to come home and meet here.
Keep watching for more from the McMahans
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
My sweet sweet Rocky boy
This post is hard to right - October 2012 Justin and heard about a dog that was going to be out down because his owner didn't want to take care of him anymore. I couldn't stand the thought of a dog being put down for now reason.....I convinced Justin to let us take the dog in at least until we could find a good home for him. It was almost 10:00pm and we drove to Frankton to meet......Rocky. When we met Rocky he was in terrible shape - his skin was a mess, he had fleas so bad that when we dumped water on him during his bath when he got him home blood just pours off of him from the flea bites. It was sad - he was in terrible shape but I couldn't bring myself to tell the lady we didn't want to take him. It didn't take long before Justin and I knew Rocky would not be finding another owner as we were his family and he was the perfect fit for us.
Rocky was our gentle giant, our giant teddy bear - if he could lay on your lap, all 109.5 lbs of him, all day long he was in his happy place. Rocky loved attention, he craved affection and he gave back so much love and joy. He loved everyone, especially kids. He was the first one to greet you at the door when you came home and he little nub would wag constantly. He gave the best kisses and was the best cuddler. He was a momma's boy (although he loved daddy too), he loved his tennis ball and stealing chewies from his sister. He had the loudest snore and it would shake the floor. Justin and I would just laugh at night.
On September 30, 2013 I made the hardest decision I've ever made and had Rocky laid to rest. You see Rocky has cancer, was apparently blind in his right eye and was becoming very slow and lethargic. He was losing use and movement of his back right leg, he was losing control of his ability to use the restroom and I could tell he was just sad. As much as I wanted to wait until Justin returned from Georgia I couldn't make him wait 5 more weeks as I was afraid I would come home and find him gone. My parents accompanied me to the vet and I stayed with Rocky until his last breath....and a few minutes after. I petted him the whole way through and kept reminding him how much Justin and I loved him. He went very peacefully, even though I sobbed and sobbed and cried louder than I've ever heard myself cry. You see I'm not sure who rescued whom it's easy to say Justin and I rescued him as we gave him the best last year of him life. He was loved by so many and he loved everyone. Sometimes I think Rocky saved us more because he showed us how to love, especially the ones who may not look the prettiest.
Rocky was the best dog and losing him I lost a small part of my heart. I know he is cancer free now, he's happy and he's healthy, but it doesn't kept me from missing him. Rest in peace Rocky, run wild and run free. Mommy and daddy will see you again one day. Love you Rocky boy.
Rocky was our gentle giant, our giant teddy bear - if he could lay on your lap, all 109.5 lbs of him, all day long he was in his happy place. Rocky loved attention, he craved affection and he gave back so much love and joy. He loved everyone, especially kids. He was the first one to greet you at the door when you came home and he little nub would wag constantly. He gave the best kisses and was the best cuddler. He was a momma's boy (although he loved daddy too), he loved his tennis ball and stealing chewies from his sister. He had the loudest snore and it would shake the floor. Justin and I would just laugh at night.
On September 30, 2013 I made the hardest decision I've ever made and had Rocky laid to rest. You see Rocky has cancer, was apparently blind in his right eye and was becoming very slow and lethargic. He was losing use and movement of his back right leg, he was losing control of his ability to use the restroom and I could tell he was just sad. As much as I wanted to wait until Justin returned from Georgia I couldn't make him wait 5 more weeks as I was afraid I would come home and find him gone. My parents accompanied me to the vet and I stayed with Rocky until his last breath....and a few minutes after. I petted him the whole way through and kept reminding him how much Justin and I loved him. He went very peacefully, even though I sobbed and sobbed and cried louder than I've ever heard myself cry. You see I'm not sure who rescued whom it's easy to say Justin and I rescued him as we gave him the best last year of him life. He was loved by so many and he loved everyone. Sometimes I think Rocky saved us more because he showed us how to love, especially the ones who may not look the prettiest.
Rocky was the best dog and losing him I lost a small part of my heart. I know he is cancer free now, he's happy and he's healthy, but it doesn't kept me from missing him. Rest in peace Rocky, run wild and run free. Mommy and daddy will see you again one day. Love you Rocky boy.
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