We moved to Lafayette in January and I hated every moment of it. I hated our first apartment, I hate having no friends and no family near by, I hated my job. I hated a very nasty and hateful heart and it was a nasty time. Months later God provided us a new, nicer, bigger, safer apartment. We got connected with LFCN and I have developed friendships with some amazing and beautiful ladies and I got a new position at Purdue that is exactly where I need to be right now.
In March Justin and I received news that by doctor's standards, test results and failed pregnancy tests month after month, that we are unable to have our own children. In June we were contacted about an adoption for twins and then that failed. But what God brought to me through those dark dark months and the still quiet moments is a heart to love the children around me. To cuddle with and hug on my nephews and Niece a little longer. To cradle and hold the newborns of church friends. To offer friends a night out in exchange for me to love on their kids (this paragraph might sound weird but it really is nothing strange....I just love kids).
A couple weeks ago, we buried my sweet 88 year old grandfather and hearts were (and still are) sad but God gave our family the sense of peace, my grandfather gained Heaven quietly in his sleep, no suffering, no desperate measures. God gave him the greatest reward, and how can you. It be thankful for that.
I spent many days and many moments throwing myself a pity party, dwelling in the crap that was dealt to me that I never took a moment to see all that I had and all the work that God was doing.
I am so thankful for this journey of infertility (weird I know) because it is teaching me my own strength. It has taught me to love myself and that I am enough, regardless of how my body or looks or how it does or doesn't function.
I am so thankful for Lafayette and all the opportunities it has opened for me. It lead us to LFCN at just the right sermon series and co to use to provides a weekly fuel we need. It also led me a Bible Study that I am most certainly thankful for as I have met beautiful ladies to support me in my journey. Ladies to pray over of victories and pray with us throw our failures.
I am so thankful for Purdue (never in a million years thought I would say that) it provided me a chance to stand up for myself and to realize that your environment can really affect your mood and mindset. But I'm ever grateful for Purdue for this current opportunity to serve as a supervisor to college students. To be a role model for them and especially thankful for a boss who values her workers and builds the, up instead of continually tear them down.
I am so thankful for my whole family and my friends. For my husband who works so hard for us but when he is home makes sure to "be there" for me. He wears so many hats and at times I have not appreciated him like I should, but this year has been such a building block for our marriage - which is one thing I can't be thankful enough for.
My friends my prayer for you is that you take the time to really reflect on all the blessings you have to be thankful for. There is so much sadness and and hurt and hate in this world, but if we truly take a moment to look and all our hearts to be open to the beauty, there is so much to be thankful for.
I am thankful for all of you - may you and your family have a grateful and joyous Thanksgiving.
The McMahan's
