ever since I was in college at some point in December I would write a "note" (way back when facebook had notes)...or an email, or blog post or something to recap the year that was coming to an end. We are one week into december and before we know it 2014 will be over....I started thinking today about my post to recap this year and I'm not sure that I can do it. There are too many emotions, too many dark places, too many valleys that I would rather not go back throug because God has brought me so far this year.
If you follow along any of my social media sites you see my heart and you see my journey....and 2014 as been a long journey but as I think back through the year I can sum up the ENTIRE year in ONE word
OVERWHELMING!
Let me explain a little....in January we packed up our lives and moves to a foreign (to us) place and I hated everything about Lafayette....I hated, couldn't stand it, couldn't wait to move again. In February I started a job that ended up being close to what I imagine hell being like (with the exception of a few good people) and Justin and I received out infertility diagnosis. Just the first two months alone were more overwhelming that I think I could handle again. I hated where I was and I was handed devastating news - most of our month of March we spiraled in grief and what we do and what our next step would be......the month of April we started discussing adoption and looking into what it entailed....but job continued to get worse and I was a bitter and nasty person.....my heart was so bad. I was overwhelmed but the process and the finances it was going to take for us to be parents and I was overwhelmed by how my job was affecting my attitude.....in a not so good way.
In May we made the decision to move forward with adoption and we were so excited and we felt so overwhelmed that God would choose us for this.....we prayed and we prepared. At the end of May we were contacted about the adoption of twins that were to be born at the end of the summer and we were ecstatic.....but then June came and the adoption fell through and the pain that stabbed my heart left me breathless. I knew a change needed to come as I couldn't continue to live like this.
End of the overwhelmingly heart breaking and terrible first 1/2 to 2014
In July I decided I would tryout the Lafayette Church of the Nazarene....and from that first Sunday Pastor Troy has preached right to my heart....I suddenly had an overwhelming sense of peace that God's hand was in all of this.....and the storms of the months before would soon pass. In August I was offered a new position at Purdue and I was finally walking I to something so much better.
My new position at work has done so much for my confidence, I have a team of co-workers who encourage me, who believe in me and who support me. My boss actually appreciates me and believes in me and my work. I met some amazing people through the church and a group of ladies and I walked through a Bible Study a out our raw emotions. I met women who are currently walking the same journey as me and I met women who once walked the same journey as me......and God he chiseled away all my dark and bitter hard places.
And suddenly I was so overwhelmed by God and hi grace, and his mercy and his plan that I fell in love with Lafayette.
You see in these last moments of my heart being transformed.....I have found peace. In November I said "until a later day" to my handsome grandfather and peace of knowing he was in such a better place made the ache of his absence a little easier to manage.
And as for December....well we have a big week this week. A week full of anxiety, stress, prayers and uncertainties.....but I know that God has not brought us this far to leave us now. I've never seen so much transformation in 1 year. It's certainly been an emotional year.....good and bad......and spiritually it's been an exciting year.
So 2014.....thank you.....you have tested me, you have encouraged me, you and strengthened me and above all else you have overwhelmed me. I hope you all have had a good year - may you all know the love and peace of Chrit as we prepare to celebrate His birth and enter into a new year.
With so much love and early Christmas blessings,
Justin and Heather McMahan
