A baby will come.....and HE did!

Before you start reading this post - let me start it by saying nowhere in this "story" am I trying to compare my son to Jesus (it might seem like that depending on how you read it) - this story is a story of a baby....two babies, selfishness and  humbleness.


Each morning as I prepare myself for the day and wait for Rowan to wake up I drink my coffee and I browse facebook - usually to take a look at my facebook memories from the days events of years past.  This reflecting back on last years Christmas season is so emotional for me (hence why it's taken me a while to complete this blog).  Our Christmas of 2014 was one of hope, one of joy, one of faith, one of frustration, one of fear, one of anxiety and above all one of great anticipation.  We expected a lot during this Christmas season.

Last year at this time we were full force into our fertility battle - we were meeting with the specialists - we were doing tests - we were having blood drawn (lots of it) - we were charting temps - we were praying - and we were getting no answers.  Our fertility specialists was hopeful - he was determined to work with us that by Summer 2015 we would be pregnant and expecting our long awaited joy.  Little did we know that Summer 2015 we would have our baby - but at this time last year we had no clue we were expecting yet.  Our doctor, in the midst of frustration from no answers and no results, in the middle of what we saw as our darkest storm, in the chaos that was surrounding us, he made us so hopeful - the kind of hope that is usually only found in the Christmas season.  The kind of hope that came to us years and years and years ago in the form of a different baby.......but not my baby.

Our church in Lafayette - that we just absolutely love - sang this beautiful Christmas song a few times (I had never heard it before that church) called " A Baby Will Come" (if you've never listened to it - go youtube it RIGHT NOW - or use this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGIe6cSsLzg)
It's a song that tells the story - of our broken world - we were desperate - we were in need - we needed hope that a baby, the Savior would come and save our world.  But in my own little sadness and mess I allowed the selfishness in me to complete forget the world, to look past all those hurting far worse than I was and allowed everything about that song, everything about those moments in church to become about ME!  What about ME?  What about my baby?

To the hungry and meek

To those who grieve

To the broken, in need

A baby will come

Weren't Justin and I broken?  Weren't were grieving?  Wasn't this song exactly about us?  Why won't our baby come?

We have known pain

We’ve felt death’s sting

God, help us believe

This baby will come

We certainly knew pain all too well. Growing up I always thought children wouldn't be for me - until the doctors told me it may not ever happen - then I never wanted anything more - so I knew the pain of what felt like someone ripping my heart out of chest - the kind of pain that leaves you  breathless.  And as for deaths sting??  We were barely 6 weeks past the death of my grandfather - a man I loved more than life.  A man who wanted nothing more than to see Justin and I have babies.....oh we felt that sting.  So where is this baby that is set to come?

I was so wrapped up in selfishness and bitterness (again....I had done so well with letting go of these feelings with the hope and that faith that our time would come) but the death of my grandfather and the holidays made it all so real again.  I remember those times standing in church crying - not wanting to be angry - but just aching over the fact that what I needed and what I wanted seemed so unattainable - forget what the world needed - forget that the song was about the Savior - forget everything - except for ME - what about ME?  It's disgusting how much I thought only about myself - looking back now I want to kick myself for even allowing those feelings to creep in - but this is real life and everything about this story is real.  I'm not proud of myself or how I handled these times - but you never really know what with strike the nerve or what will cause the pain or how your body will react until you are in the middle of it.

Christmas Eve of last year I attending the church service in my home town - something about a Christmas Eve service (anywhere) is so magical.....but I think I needed that service.  Somewhere in the midst of the service, during the chorus of a well known Christmas Hymn, in a random word of the sermon - it hit me - like a ton of bricks.

The angel appeared

Said do not fear

For peace is here

A baby has come

and my heart had peace.  Because thousands of years ago our world was in need a baby did come - HE - the great one came - and he brought joy and hope and peace to a hurting world.  And because that baby came I could have peace that one day (I had no clue that 2.5 days later I would find out our baby was on his way) my baby would come.

As we are mere days away from Christmas - Justin and I are soaking in the love and joy of our almost 4 month old who so joyfully made his first ultrasound appearance just days after Christmas last year.  We are humbled - we are blessed - we are overwhelmed that because the most babe of all came years ago - we were entrusted with this sweet baby boy - to raise - to guide - to love and to point him back to the one who gave him to us.

Maybe you can see why this post was so emotional for me - I had an ugly heart last year - I wanted everything to be about me - and God used his son to humble me - used the birth of his child to remind me - peace has come and joy/hope that never end is freely available to all.

May the love, joy and peace that comes from the birth of Jesus be up on you and your family this season.  We are thankful for each and everyone of you and the roles you have played in not only Justin and I's lives but now Rowan's.  You all are a special gift that adds a little extra love to our everyday.

Cause the kings of this world

Won’t have the last word

That, God, is Yours

For the Baby has come

Merry Christmas - Love, The McMahan's

It wasnt what I planned....

I've been forming this blog post in my head for almost a week now and kept telling myself not to write it.....not sure why but I would always walk away to do something else (probably care for my newborn but still). Then someone posted an article about having a c-section and it sparked this post in my head once again.....so here it is.

When Justin and I got married, I had a plan. Knowing that I had PCOS and thyroid issues and my doctor throwing around testing for endometriosis, I knew there could possibly be a difficulty getting pregnant (and the time I was thinking like 5 months of trying instead of getting pregnant right away) so I knew I wanted to start shortly after marriage for a baby. In my perfect plan - Justin and I would get pregnant, I would have a fairly easy pregnancy (ha- I was t planning this part, just hoping), I would go into labor and have an all natural, non medicated delivery. Once my baby was born they would be laid upon my chest for skin on skin and then I would nurse them and start this beautiful bond through breastfeeding.

My plan was seriously so screwed up when it was laid next to God's plan!

Instead of it taking 5 months to get pregnant it took 2 years....this should have been my first clue to throw my plan out the window. I did have a relatively easy pregnancy, no morning sickness, I passed my glucose test with flying colors and my baby always had the heartbeat of a champion. At 18 weeks we found out or beautiful baby BOY was healthy as could be. Rowan soon was growing large and measuring way ahead of schedule - my doctor discussed possibly having an induction closer to my due date to save from me delivering a way too large baby (I was 10lbs at birth). End of pregnancy came and due to Rowan's size (though he came "smaller" than we were thinking) and some other minor red flags popping up my doctor was no longer comfortable doing an induction and if we let me go naturally it would have put me and Rowan and potentially serious risk......so I found myself scheduled for a Caesarean section.

THIS WAS NOT MY PLAN!

I spent two days crying. Trying to come to terms with how things were now developing and praying that my water would break and I wouldn't have to go through with the surgery. Remember, I had a plan. My water never broke and labor never started so we arrived at the hospital for scheduled surgery and my son was then born. Instead of him being laid on my chest for skin to skin o watched out of the corner or my eye as doctors and nurses examined him, I heard my husband talk to him and tell him how much we already loved him. I got a 10 second glance of him before Justin and Rowan were scooted out of the operating room and I was stitched up and sent to recovery. It was an hour or longer after Rowan's birth before I got to hold him. This definitely was not in my plan.
  I got to nurse Rowan in recovery and he did really well - I remember feeling some relief when I thought one part of my plan was going to pan out. I nursed while in the hospital and feared it wasn't working but the nurses were so wonderful and so encouraging - I never doubted that they didn't have my sons best interest at hand. Had there been an issuing nursing I believe they would have stepped in. We came home from the hospital and Rowan cried.....no no he screamed for over 3 hours!  He wouldn't latch to nurse, in fact he wouldn't even come near me to even try. In a crying desperate state I asked Justin for a little bottle of supplemental formula - he drank it like he hadn't ate since birth. Thinking maybe he just didn't like to latch I decided that I would pump and feed him through a bottle - except the milk never came in and I couldn't pump any for him to eat. My child became a formula baby.

THIS WAS NOT MY PLAN!

No part of my original plan was working and parts of me were devastated - but on August 24, 2015 at 8:27am nothing I wanted mattered and everything was now about Rowan. So I made a new plan.

I plan to memorize your sweet little face. Every line - every dimple. I will know them by heart. I plan to memorize your cry and exactly what it may mean. On the days when you only want to sleep on chest I plan to soak in your scent and when you want held I plan to hold you as long as you want and as close to me as I can get. I plan to tell you 100x a day that I Love you and that I'm so thankful you were created and created just for us. I plan to cover you in kisses and take so many pictures that all my phone memory fills up. I plan to dream and hope for you and then once you're old enough to dream and hope on your own I plan to dream and hope even bigger.

I had a plan for you and nothing I planned worked out. So now I start over and my second plan is even bigger and better than the first. Nothing about you is what I planned but you ended up being so much more than any plan I had in my head. Until our last day together on earth I plan to love more deeply and more whole heartedly than  anything I ever dreamed. You gave my life meaning and I plan to show you every second of every day just how grateful I am that you are nothing I had planned.

My easily conceived - all natural - breastfed baby who became my 2 years of infertility - c section - formula fed dream come true. You are everything my heart and life needed.

A blog all about your favorite guy!

Our sweet Rowan - I left the doctor's office not too long ago and got to hear your heartbeat once again - I get giddy every time I hear it and you get mad every time they use the wand to capture the sound - you do not like being messed with!  You are your father's child - lol.  Speaking of your father - I already wrote to you about some of the amazing men that will be a huge part of your life and there is no doubt that your daddy with be the biggest.  In two days we get to celebrate him - we celebrate his First Father's Day!  I am so excited to celebrate him - he is an amazing man!  Let me tell you about him - all about him - but understand that in this entry words will fail me to accurately and fully describe to you what your father is like.  He's beyond words - he's beyond my understanding (in many many ways) - he's more than I could imagine.

Your daddy is so caring! He is the sweetest and kindest man I know. He loves with his whole heart. I have never doubted his love for me and since we found out about you - I have never doubted his love for you.  Son, if nothing else I hope you learn you will never have to wonder if your father loves you - the answer will always be YES - in more ways and in deeper depths than you will ever know.  He will be the greatest father I just know it.

One thing you will learn as you grow is daddy doesn't work like most of your friends daddy's - they all work hard - and they all provide - but daddy's work schedule is very different.  Daddy is a train conductor and his schedule pulls him to his job whenever his phone rings.  Sometimes we will know when that is, but most of the time we won't.  It;s something mommy has somewhat adjusted to and is still working to adjust to and once you arrive we will both adjust to it together.  What I can tell you is that when daddy is not at his job - his attention will be on you.  Loving on you, teaching you, being amazed as you grow - daddy works the job he works so that we can provide for you the best kind of future.  I hope that as you grow you become so proud to have him as your father - I know I am proud to have him as my husband.

Your daddy is the funniest person I know. Rowan, don't marry someone that you can't laugh with. When rough days and dark nights come that laughter will provide light - I am so grateful your daddy was able to see me through some dark moments. His laughter is contagious - you can't help but smile when he is around.  He's such an awesome guy! I can see it years from now the two of you playing with your toys sharing knock knock jokes or any other joke you can come up with.  You both will think it's the funniest thing ever.  I hope you grow to see your dad's see sense of humor and want to be funny just like him.

Everything that I could hope for you Rowan is in the man your father is. I hope and I pray that you become just like him.  I hope you love like your father loves, I hope you're a hard worker like your daddy is, I hope you enjoy the simple days where we just lounge around the house.  I hope you have a soft spot in your heart for dogs and an appreciation for old country music.  I hope find interest in history (or you can be like mom and enjoy science more) and a LOVE for sports (preferably the Cowboys and NOT the Packers).  I hope that as you get bigger (or if you wanted to stay little I'm really ok with that) your daddy becomes your hero - I hope you strive everyday to be just like him.  I hope you mimic the things he does, try to walk in his shoes, help him with chores and do things like he does.  I hope you miss him when he is on the trains and get so excited when he comes home. I can't wait to watch the two of you playing catch in the back hard or shooting hoops. I look forward to you guys lounging on the couch -probably napping - but saying your watching the game.

Above all these things I have written - I can't wait for you to meet your daddy - he is the best around - you were hand picked just for us - but your daddy was hand picked just for you.  Your daddy already loves you more than life and is elated for you to get here.

Here's to your daddy - the man we both love!
Happy 1st Father's Day, sweetheart

Why we still talk about infertility.....

In the months since we found out we were expecting I've been asked several times and by several different people "why do you still talk about your infertility journey?" "why do you still post about infertility?" "since you're pregnant doesn't that mean infertility doesn't apply to you?" "doesn't it seem ironic to you to have a tattoo symbolizing infertility while you are pregnant?"

The questions have been unending - overwhelming - and almost ignorant at some points.  Let me tell you why Justin and I still talk about infertility and why I don't find my tattoo ironic.

It is no secret that Justin and I hoped for, prayed for and tried for a baby for 2 years - when we found out that there would be fertility issues for both of us we knew it was  cause that we wanted to have a voice for.  We have known and loved many who dealt with infertility long before we did - we didn't know what it was like to be in their shoes (at the time) but suddenly we did.  We know not everyone is as open about their infertility journey as we were - but as a couple we knew it wasn't something we would be quiet about.  We had full faith in the power of prayer and in the power of numbers.  Unfortunately, infertility is much more common than I would every hope for it to be and too many people that I know and love have dealt with or are currently dealing with some form of infertility.  We still talk about it for THEM!

Through our journey we found a lot of support - from people who suffered infertility and now have beautiful families with precious babies (or growing kids), from people who were still walking the journey of infertility either waiting for their first child or dealing the pain of secondary infertility (believe me it's a very real thing), and from people who were blessed to conceive babies with no problem.  Through our journey I met ladies in my close radius who knew the path I was walking and they prayed for me and they loved me. Through our journey I met ladies who came to me and said "thank you for sharing, I am currently dealing with the same issues" and our friendships blossomed.  
I still talk about infertility because of these people.  The people who were no longer on my journey - they beat the odds and they supported me - imagine if once these ladies had babies they stopped talking about infertility - how would I have managed with out that support and understanding?  I still talk about infertility because of these ladies - because they gave me hope and faith on some of the roughest days.

When we found out we were expecting - we were overjoyed.  I had women reach out to me and say "thank you for sharing your journey - your story gives me hope" or "I have the same medical issues you have and your story gives me hope that one day I will be in your shoes"  How do you turn your backs on that?  We still have friends and family waiting to get those positive test results - waiting to hear the first heartbeat and waiting to see the little dot on the ultrasound screen.  We waited once too - and now we wait for them - and when they hit weak moments like we did - we stand for them, because once someone stood and waited in our place.

1 in 8 is a lot of couples - and with statistics like that someone you love so much is bound to deal with these difficult moments and these hard days - but if we never let our voice go silent - then our strength can build their strength and they will see the rainbow at the end of the rain storm.

We still talk about infertility - because Rowan doesn't end our story - he's our next chapter.  We still talk about infertility because others talked about infertility with us.  We still talk about infertility because someone out there needs to hear that this isn't how their story ends.  We still talk about infertility because it is our story - I don't find my tattoo ironic because it is a part of our story. We still talk about infertility because we won't let our voice be silenced.  Most importantly we still talk about infertility because too many couples that we love so much are still waiting!

Our First Mother's Day "together"

To you Rowan on our first Mother's Day "together" - there are no words to describe the sense of love, pride and accomplishment I already feel being your mother - can't wait to hold you, to snuggle you, to kiss all over your tiny little face and to show you just how much you are loved and how by having you - it has become the greatest accomplishment of my life.

But this post is not about me - this is about some of the important ladies in your life that have molded and shaped your mommy to hopefully be the best mommy for you that you could ever need.

Let's start with Nana (your mommy's mom) - she was the first one with mommy when we found out we would be expecting you!  She cried with that initial report from the doctor and has encouraged mommy every step of the way.  She is so excited for you!  You wouldn't believe the paths your Nana and Mommy have walked together.  Your mommy was NOT always the nicest person - especially to Nana when growing up - but the older I get the more I realize just how special your Nana is. She loves without question! She's always up for a good time - the relationships she has built with Ethan and Raegann are so fun to watch and I can't wait to see what the relationship you make with her is like.  She looks forward to working from the Lafayette branch of her bank just so she can spend more time with you.  It's be a blessing and a joy to have her every step of the way with this pregnancy.

One of your mommy's first best friends was your Aunt Cindy - and she continues to be one of mommy's best friends.  It seriously was so much fun growing up with a big sister - the funnest part has been the older I get the more her friends become my friends.  To say your Aunt Cindy is excited for you to get here - would be an understatement if I ever heard one!  She had the BEST reaction to our news that we were expecting you.  She has waited for you for so long - her heart broke with mommy's when we thought there might never be you.  Be prepared to be spoiled! That's the best part of having an aunt.

Great Grandma Krisher and Ehrhart - seriously Rowan these are two of the sweetest ladies that will be a part of your life.  One of the best parts of having them in your life is every second, every breath, every moment you will be covered in prayer.  They are God fearing - prayer believing - good hearted women.  If you were to meet someone that knows them you would hear all about how much that person loves your great grandma.  You will always have a full belly, a tight hug and an I love you each time you see them.

Mamaw - your Mamaw is your daddy's mom - and like the above mentioned women she can't wait for you!  She has hoped for you since - well before mommy and daddy were "officially" dating.  She calls and texts often to check on you and mommy - make sure we are both healthy and happy - thankfully we've both been good so far!

A fun fact about your Aunt Brittany (daddy's sister) - is mommy and Aunt Brittany were friends long before anyone ever thought your daddy and I would end up together.  Aunt Brittany is giving you another cousin due just 3.5 weeks before you - how cool that you will have a boy cousin to literally grow up with.  Outside of giving you two outstanding cousins (you will just LOVE Landon) - your Aunt Brittany will you love you so much!  She's already told mommy she can't wait to love all over you.

Rowan if you can't tell - you have some amazing women that are a part of your life! (clearly Mommy is the best - but I'm only as good as the women before me)

I will say it as many times as I can - but you are so loved - so treasured and we CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO GET HERE!!!!!!

So on our first Mother's Day together - we celebrate the women in our lives!  The women that have helped mommy be the person she is and the women who love every growing ounce of you!

Dear Rowan,

My sweet boy - it still seems unreal to me that I am writing my first letter to you - my child - my son - my soon to be first born.  What a special child you are! Will never fully know or understand the depths of the love you daddy and I have for- or how many people in the world love you and are so thankful for you.  Rowan, you wouldn't believe the mass amounts of people that have prayed for you and hoped for you and have loved you from the moment of our first prayer for you.  You may not ever meet all these people - but your daddy and I will try our best to show to you just how loved you are - how many people love and adore you - and just how special and adored you are......by people outside your blood family!

When we found out that we were expecting you - we threw around names for quite sometime. Thankfully you aren't a girl because trying to find a girl name was stressful for daddy and I :)  We knew shortly from the beginning that if we were to have a boy we wanted a strong name - something that you could really grow into.  ROWAN KEITH!  The meanings of names may not be the strongest or the most masculine - but the meaning of the names to us is more than I could ever hope for you.  You see Rowan, you were named after 2 mean that I only wish you would get to meet on this side of Heaven.  While, I truly believe they already know you and you already know them and that they somehow played a HUGE part in you being given to us - the ache of never seeing them hold you is very strong to mommy.  Rowan, you were named after your 2 great grandfathers (mommy's grandpas) and they are 2 of the greatest men I have ever loved and ever known.  As you grow up, you will probably catch mommy cry a time or two as she looks at you or tells you about them, because so much of you is a reminder of everything they were.  The impact they had on my life I will never be able to match - they touched me and inspired me in so many ways.  You are so fortunate to be named after them.  They love you so much - I just know it.

Rowan - my hopes and wishes for you are so grand that it would take me a while to put them into words.  As your mommy and with the help of your daddy we will try our best to teach you love, tolerance and respect.  We hope to raise in a way that you never doubt God's love for you or our love for you. We want only life's greatest moments for you - we know that obstacles will come and I hope you never forget we are always on your side.  We not always agree with your actions or your decisions - we love you no matter what. So many great men in your life Rowan that I hope you will have parts of them in the man you one day become.

I hope you are stubborn and strong headed like your great grandpa Krisher (Neil ROWAN) - but only when it comes to things you believe in. Like, him I hope you find your passions and your believes and never let anyone stray you from them - although I hope you keep an open mind that not everyone will value the same things you do - and that's ok - one of the great things in America is we are all entitled to our own opinions and values as long as work together for the greater good.  Rowan, like your great grandpa Krisher I hope you like Jesus more than any other - I hope you see the greater plan for your life and know that His way is always the best way - I hope your build a strong relationship with Jesus that leaves  light shining the others want to know what it is about you and leaves them searching for Jesus as well. Rowan, I hope you reach a point in your life, like grandpa Krisher where the idea of Heaven is so much greater than the pain and suffering of Earth (although I hope this is a long long long long time from now...like when your 100 :) )

I hope you find the humor in life like your great grandpa Ehrhart (Robert KEITH) - I hope you laugh at everything and make jokes to see others smile.  This was one of my favorite things about grandpa Ehrhart - he always found the funny side of any situation.  I hope that you will do anything for anyone - no matter their story and no matter their circumstance - I hope you try to see the good in people.  Rowan, maybe you will find a love for crossword puzzles, black coffee and fried egg sandwiches with mustard (mommy loves 2 of the 3 and one of them is not crossword puzzles)

I may be a little biased - but Rowan, your papaw is one of the greatest guys you will ever meet in your life - seriously!  Mommy couldn't always say that as there was a time when papaw wasn't my favorite person - but he is now - at least one of my favorites!  I hope you are a worker like he is - he may not always enjoy his job - but he always shows up and he always gives 100% - you won't see him call in.  What you will see is him give so much attention to you - I wish you could have seen his face when mommy told him she was expecting you - he is so excited.  Papaw will be one of your biggest fans, he will practice sports with you, he will try to be at grandparents day with you, he will probably buy you your first bowling ball and I can almost guarantee that he will sing "you are my sunshine" to you a time or two.....or 1,000.

But most of all - I hope you are everything your daddy is.  I hope you have his sense of humor (and I say that with a lot of reservation - lol) your daddy can always make me laugh and most people around him!  I hope you are a dedicated and hard worker - what you will find is that daddy works for the railroads and often times has to stay over night in over cities - but don't for a second ever think daddy doesn't miss you when he is gone.  He is so excited for you to get here - to have a son and to do father/son activities with you.  I can guarantee that when daddy is home you will have all of his attention.  He is looking forward to you playing sports and taking you to football games.  I hope you love life like he does - always up for an adventure and easily makes friends - I haven't found anyone yet that doesn't enjoy being around daddy. Most of all I hope you are everything he is.

My first letter to you turned into a novel :)  But I have so much to say!  Above anything you ever read, ever hear or ever feel - know you are loved more than life.  We prayed for you Rowan - we hoped for you and we have loved from before there was ever a thought of you.  ou are more special than mommy or daddy will ever be able to express.

We are half way there to meeting you!!

Love always,
Mom :)

I can't believe I am typing....

Never in a million years - did I think I would be typing a blog post telling you how we found out that we were expecting a baby!

Oh - you're not my facebook friend? You didn't hear the news? Ha, my husband and I have kicked infertility's butt and are expecting a little miracle in August!

So how did it happen you ask?? - that's not exactly a conversation I'm comfortable having on a blog post ;) - but how did we find out?? Because let's face it after months and months of let downs you kind of get tired of peeing on a stick....so this is how we came to find out or little one was on it's way.......

First let me start by saying that we saw a fertility specialist (or is it an infertility specialist???) I'm not really sure - BUT we saw him on December 10th - now being baby crazed lunatic I have become I took two test - 1 the morning of the appointment and 1 a couple days before the appointment. Both BIG FAT NEGATIVES - so no worry I was expecting this - I mean there had to be a reason we were seeing a fertility/infertility specialist.

So about a week before Christmas I started having terrible hip pains and that had me limping - which really isn't all that strange because I have a history of osteoate osteoma (for medical terminology stupid people like me - it's basically like a tissue "tumor" in my hip joint) sometimes my pelvic bone rotates forward and when it does that my hip joint grinds on this tumor when I walk - painful - yes!  Ok so all that to say - I knew I needed a muscle relaxer but new my family doctor wouldn't just write me one without having it x-rayed.  So the day after Christmas (very late at night) I finally talked myself into going to the ER and had my mom go with me.

Got through the registration and all the fun information in the room (without being asked about my last cycle - because that was the 1 reason I wouldn't go to the ER....I couldn't stand to tell them my last cycle was October but NO I wasn't pregnant).  Finally the nice gentleman (who my mom and I both knew) came in to get me for my x-ray - the follow conversation happened in the x-ray room (S=Shannon the x-ray tech  H=me obviously)

S- what are we x-raying today
H- my right hip
S- any chance you could be pregnant? *gulp*
H- ummm I want to say maybe but due to issues I am 98% positive I am not
S- do you want to take a test just in case?
H - no not really
S - ok *begins clearing off the table with a strange look on his face*
H - would it make you feel better if I took a test?
S - yes because if you happen to be it's first trimester and I can't protect it from the rays
H- ok fine

So he wheels me back to my room and in comes the nurse - to which the follow conversation happened

H - could you do me a favor?
K - sure, what you want girl? (ha I use to work in this ER so I know everyone)
H - if it's negative can you just not tell me? I can't hear it outloud
K - ok, but honey you're young you have plenty of time

Clearly she doesn't know my history.  Few minutes later there was a knock on the door - my mother and I assumed it was the x-ray tech (although I was expecting a negative test it still hurt a little.....or a lot) in came walking the doctor, to which I assumed that the nurse didn't tell her my request.  The doctor pulled up a stool and noted the next line:

Doctor: Well good news and bad news, bad news is we can't x-ray your hip, good news is honey you are pregnant. That test turned positive right away.

After that I know there was crying and more interacting and all that fun stuff - but I really don't remember too much more.

All I know is right now our baby is very healthy, very happy and growing as it should :)  Heartbeat is steady and Justin and I are over the moon excited.  I always knew that if it was to happen God was much bigger than any medical diagnosis.  Not sure if it was that one extra prayers - or perhaps my grandfather's had a talk with the Big Guy upstairs.

Whatever it was - Justin and I thank you all for the prayers you said for us - for your support and part of our journey so far.  It's not over - this baby has to know about all the people that loves them so much and has hoped for, wished for and prayed for their arrival.

With even more love than usual,

Justin, Heather and Baby McMahan