Tuesday, November 1, 2016

The song of Victory.....a post about my grandfather

"And some sweet day, I'll sing up there, the song of victory"

I remember when I was 8 or 9 years old, standing in between my grandparents during a church service rolling my eyes, wondering why I had to be here and why were we singing these OOOLLLDDD songs?? I vividly can remember the sound of my sweet grandfather's adorable old man voice singing about this sweet victory in Jesus.

My grandfather was the sweetest old soul. If one word could describe him - it would be ornery - oh gosh was the man ornery. He had a smile and laugh that could brighten your day - he could change the mood of any room with that tilted sideways grin that he had. He loved a good joke and always loved "pulling our leg"

He had a way about him that made everyone feel good about themselves. I never had a conversation with him where he didn't call me "doll", tell me I was pretty or beautiful or tell me that he was proud of me. The truth is he didn't have to tell me he was proud of me - I knew it and I still know it to this day. My grandfather would be so proud of who I am now, the marriage I have with Justin and Rowan would be the little sidekick he needed. My son is just as ornery as he was!

Ever year I would find a piece of mail in my mailbox addressed specifically the me in my grandfather's hand writing (typically in all capital letters) asking me to attend an organ recital with him - knowing full well I would "kindly" decline (worst childhood experience - EVER). That was our little joke - our inside laugh.  And each holiday, I would give him the biggest plate of desserts he asked for - the man was in his 80's, he was a thin man and he battled Crohn's disease for most of his life, if wanted chocolate cake instead of turkey - by golly he was going to get the biggest piece of chocolate cake we could fit on a plate.....even though we knew he would only eat half.

My grandfather was a milkshake lover - nothing said "I love you grandpa" like showing up unexpected with a milkshake in hand. When I was young and stayed with grandpa we typically took a trip to 1 of 2 places - Fraizer's or 76 - Grandpa would get a milkshake and I would have a Bahama Mama slushy - we would sit and enjoy each others company. I think I learned my quick whit and sarcasm from him, when I proudly showed him that I had learned my ABC's he asked me if I could say them backwards - of course I could!.....I turned around backwards and said my ABC's!  My grandmother loves this story - so if you ever talk to her - she's bound to tell it to you.

Growing up my grandfather always called the couch a davenport - no clue why but for the longest time (before I knew what it was) I thought davenport was a "bad (cuss)" word and for the life of me couldn't figure out why my grandfather hated the couch so much.  Speaking of the couch, it was on that couch in their house in Central Avenue where I laughed until I cried and screamed my lungs out watching my grandfather chase a squirrel out of the back room with a broom.....OH MY GOSH....i'm laughing typing about this because it is still the funniest thing I've ever seen!

Two years ago this Friday, my sweet soul of a grandfather gained a reward he longed for. He went to a mansion specially prepared for him by the Creator of all things who he loved more than anything. He now "sings up there, the song of victory".  I could spend days telling you stories about my grandpa and it would take the rest of my life meeting all the people whose live he impacted - but if you never met him in real life - my stories and my memories won't do justice to who he is.  

My son is partially named after my grandfather and every time he does something rotten, ornery or mischievious (which is just about always - he is a 14month old boy) I can hear my grandfather's snicker - boasting in pride of a little one just as silly, spunky and rotten as he. My son has the sweetest, most caring heart, that I know also came from my grandfather and I hope one day he turns into the sweet, Jesus loving soul my grandfather was.

As the anniversary of my grandfather's homecoming arrives in a couple days I won't be grieving in my sadness - I will be celebrating the Victory in Jesus we received....a prize so great that I remember him singing about so many years ago.  And I will strive to be the Jesus loving person he was, to live my life awaiting that same sweet victory so that one we can drink milkshakes and slushies, and not go to organ recitals and joke and laugh and reminisce about squirrels in Heaven, so that one day I can hear his sweet old man voice and ornery laughter echo through the voices of angels.

Heaven is certainly a more entertaining place now that he is there. I miss him every moment of every day, but I strive each day knowing that he is proud of me and who I am becoming.  Enjoy your next year in Heaven, grandpa - see you again one day!


p.s if you could - send a little less rottenness to Rowan, this mama could use a break ;) 

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

On the eve of your first birthday!

You were 4 months old the last time I wrote and here we are less than 24 hours away from your first birthday!  Did I really just type that? YOUR FIRST BIRTHDAY??!!?? We survived - we did it - we conquered the first 365 days!

What a year it has been!  You, my sweet son, are spit fire and a ball of super charged energy. You are strong willed, you are stubborn, you are ornery, you are independent. (Which leads me to believe you were named correctly! Your great grandfathers were all those things) You are a lover, you are a bear hug giver, you are a sloppy big kiss planter! You are joy, you are laughter, you are so much personality. You are the light of our family - and I still can't figure out how we managed without you.

The days of this first year were long. We encountered many scary days as we faced health uncertainties. As we battled medications and bad reactions, as we traveled to many different doctors. As we waited test results.

I have never been more scared in my life than I have been this past year.

But I have also never had so much joy and love in my life than I have this past year.

Just like the days, weeks, months, years that we waited for you - this first year of your life God was always one step ahead. He kept you safe, He protected you. He carried your father and I. He caught every tear I cried. He has made his plans known for you - and for that we are so grateful.

I have to write this a day early because tomorrow - my emotions may be too much. My heart, some days, cannot handle everything I feel for you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes, but hurts in the best of ways.  I have prayed - every day that I am succeeding as a parent. Wondering if I'm doing things correctly, but I'm pretty sure every parent has wondered those same things.

I keep replaying the day of your birth in my head. How scared I was, scared because I knew that my c-section was happening to keep you and I both safe, scared that something could still go seriously wrong. Scared that as soon as they placed in my arms, I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know how to be a mom or how to take care of you. One year later, I still fear those same things. I don't have a clue to what I am doing - but we've survived - you've thrived!

I remember Dr. Ramirez saying "Daddy stand up and get your camera ready, you're about to meet your son" and then you started screaming...I mean WAILING......and you haven't really stopped since then - LOL! I remember laying there crying - but not realizing I was crying and trying to see you out of the corner of my eye. My gosh you were so beautiful.....and you still are!  And then 2 days later they let us bring you home - just you, dad and me and suddenly we were a family of 3 and we were doing this on our own.

I can't believe you are 1!  You are so smart! You are adventurous (Lord help us now), you are crazy, you are hilarious! You are my life!  You are what my life was missing and this past year my heart has been complete.

WE (your dad and I) are the lucky ones - for some reason God thought that we were worthy enough for you to call us momma and dadda. We get to raise you - we get to teach you, while at the same time allowing you to teach us.  I could spend all day writing about everything my heart feels as tomorrow comes and we celebrate YOU (well and Kee).

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY Rowan Keith! I don't know how we managed life without you! We are so thankful you are here and completed our family!

We love more than words we say or type could ever express. You are our greatest joy! We can't wait to celebrate you and your life.

All our love - for ever
Mom and Dad