Our sweet Rowan - I left the doctor's office not too long ago and got to hear your heartbeat once again - I get giddy every time I hear it and you get mad every time they use the wand to capture the sound - you do not like being messed with! You are your father's child - lol. Speaking of your father - I already wrote to you about some of the amazing men that will be a huge part of your life and there is no doubt that your daddy with be the biggest. In two days we get to celebrate him - we celebrate his First Father's Day! I am so excited to celebrate him - he is an amazing man! Let me tell you about him - all about him - but understand that in this entry words will fail me to accurately and fully describe to you what your father is like. He's beyond words - he's beyond my understanding (in many many ways) - he's more than I could imagine.
Your daddy is so caring! He is the sweetest and kindest man I know. He loves with his whole heart. I have never doubted his love for me and since we found out about you - I have never doubted his love for you. Son, if nothing else I hope you learn you will never have to wonder if your father loves you - the answer will always be YES - in more ways and in deeper depths than you will ever know. He will be the greatest father I just know it.
One thing you will learn as you grow is daddy doesn't work like most of your friends daddy's - they all work hard - and they all provide - but daddy's work schedule is very different. Daddy is a train conductor and his schedule pulls him to his job whenever his phone rings. Sometimes we will know when that is, but most of the time we won't. It;s something mommy has somewhat adjusted to and is still working to adjust to and once you arrive we will both adjust to it together. What I can tell you is that when daddy is not at his job - his attention will be on you. Loving on you, teaching you, being amazed as you grow - daddy works the job he works so that we can provide for you the best kind of future. I hope that as you grow you become so proud to have him as your father - I know I am proud to have him as my husband.
Your daddy is the funniest person I know. Rowan, don't marry someone that you can't laugh with. When rough days and dark nights come that laughter will provide light - I am so grateful your daddy was able to see me through some dark moments. His laughter is contagious - you can't help but smile when he is around. He's such an awesome guy! I can see it years from now the two of you playing with your toys sharing knock knock jokes or any other joke you can come up with. You both will think it's the funniest thing ever. I hope you grow to see your dad's see sense of humor and want to be funny just like him.
Everything that I could hope for you Rowan is in the man your father is. I hope and I pray that you become just like him. I hope you love like your father loves, I hope you're a hard worker like your daddy is, I hope you enjoy the simple days where we just lounge around the house. I hope you have a soft spot in your heart for dogs and an appreciation for old country music. I hope find interest in history (or you can be like mom and enjoy science more) and a LOVE for sports (preferably the Cowboys and NOT the Packers). I hope that as you get bigger (or if you wanted to stay little I'm really ok with that) your daddy becomes your hero - I hope you strive everyday to be just like him. I hope you mimic the things he does, try to walk in his shoes, help him with chores and do things like he does. I hope you miss him when he is on the trains and get so excited when he comes home. I can't wait to watch the two of you playing catch in the back hard or shooting hoops. I look forward to you guys lounging on the couch -probably napping - but saying your watching the game.
Above all these things I have written - I can't wait for you to meet your daddy - he is the best around - you were hand picked just for us - but your daddy was hand picked just for you. Your daddy already loves you more than life and is elated for you to get here.
Here's to your daddy - the man we both love!
Happy 1st Father's Day, sweetheart
Friday, June 19, 2015
Friday, June 12, 2015
Why we still talk about infertility.....
In the months since we found out we were expecting I've been asked several times and by several different people "why do you still talk about your infertility journey?" "why do you still post about infertility?" "since you're pregnant doesn't that mean infertility doesn't apply to you?" "doesn't it seem ironic to you to have a tattoo symbolizing infertility while you are pregnant?"
The questions have been unending - overwhelming - and almost ignorant at some points. Let me tell you why Justin and I still talk about infertility and why I don't find my tattoo ironic.
It is no secret that Justin and I hoped for, prayed for and tried for a baby for 2 years - when we found out that there would be fertility issues for both of us we knew it was cause that we wanted to have a voice for. We have known and loved many who dealt with infertility long before we did - we didn't know what it was like to be in their shoes (at the time) but suddenly we did. We know not everyone is as open about their infertility journey as we were - but as a couple we knew it wasn't something we would be quiet about. We had full faith in the power of prayer and in the power of numbers. Unfortunately, infertility is much more common than I would every hope for it to be and too many people that I know and love have dealt with or are currently dealing with some form of infertility. We still talk about it for THEM!
Through our journey we found a lot of support - from people who suffered infertility and now have beautiful families with precious babies (or growing kids), from people who were still walking the journey of infertility either waiting for their first child or dealing the pain of secondary infertility (believe me it's a very real thing), and from people who were blessed to conceive babies with no problem. Through our journey I met ladies in my close radius who knew the path I was walking and they prayed for me and they loved me. Through our journey I met ladies who came to me and said "thank you for sharing, I am currently dealing with the same issues" and our friendships blossomed.
I still talk about infertility because of these people. The people who were no longer on my journey - they beat the odds and they supported me - imagine if once these ladies had babies they stopped talking about infertility - how would I have managed with out that support and understanding? I still talk about infertility because of these ladies - because they gave me hope and faith on some of the roughest days.
When we found out we were expecting - we were overjoyed. I had women reach out to me and say "thank you for sharing your journey - your story gives me hope" or "I have the same medical issues you have and your story gives me hope that one day I will be in your shoes" How do you turn your backs on that? We still have friends and family waiting to get those positive test results - waiting to hear the first heartbeat and waiting to see the little dot on the ultrasound screen. We waited once too - and now we wait for them - and when they hit weak moments like we did - we stand for them, because once someone stood and waited in our place.
1 in 8 is a lot of couples - and with statistics like that someone you love so much is bound to deal with these difficult moments and these hard days - but if we never let our voice go silent - then our strength can build their strength and they will see the rainbow at the end of the rain storm.
We still talk about infertility - because Rowan doesn't end our story - he's our next chapter. We still talk about infertility because others talked about infertility with us. We still talk about infertility because someone out there needs to hear that this isn't how their story ends. We still talk about infertility because it is our story - I don't find my tattoo ironic because it is a part of our story. We still talk about infertility because we won't let our voice be silenced. Most importantly we still talk about infertility because too many couples that we love so much are still waiting!
The questions have been unending - overwhelming - and almost ignorant at some points. Let me tell you why Justin and I still talk about infertility and why I don't find my tattoo ironic.
It is no secret that Justin and I hoped for, prayed for and tried for a baby for 2 years - when we found out that there would be fertility issues for both of us we knew it was cause that we wanted to have a voice for. We have known and loved many who dealt with infertility long before we did - we didn't know what it was like to be in their shoes (at the time) but suddenly we did. We know not everyone is as open about their infertility journey as we were - but as a couple we knew it wasn't something we would be quiet about. We had full faith in the power of prayer and in the power of numbers. Unfortunately, infertility is much more common than I would every hope for it to be and too many people that I know and love have dealt with or are currently dealing with some form of infertility. We still talk about it for THEM!
Through our journey we found a lot of support - from people who suffered infertility and now have beautiful families with precious babies (or growing kids), from people who were still walking the journey of infertility either waiting for their first child or dealing the pain of secondary infertility (believe me it's a very real thing), and from people who were blessed to conceive babies with no problem. Through our journey I met ladies in my close radius who knew the path I was walking and they prayed for me and they loved me. Through our journey I met ladies who came to me and said "thank you for sharing, I am currently dealing with the same issues" and our friendships blossomed.
I still talk about infertility because of these people. The people who were no longer on my journey - they beat the odds and they supported me - imagine if once these ladies had babies they stopped talking about infertility - how would I have managed with out that support and understanding? I still talk about infertility because of these ladies - because they gave me hope and faith on some of the roughest days.
When we found out we were expecting - we were overjoyed. I had women reach out to me and say "thank you for sharing your journey - your story gives me hope" or "I have the same medical issues you have and your story gives me hope that one day I will be in your shoes" How do you turn your backs on that? We still have friends and family waiting to get those positive test results - waiting to hear the first heartbeat and waiting to see the little dot on the ultrasound screen. We waited once too - and now we wait for them - and when they hit weak moments like we did - we stand for them, because once someone stood and waited in our place.
1 in 8 is a lot of couples - and with statistics like that someone you love so much is bound to deal with these difficult moments and these hard days - but if we never let our voice go silent - then our strength can build their strength and they will see the rainbow at the end of the rain storm.
We still talk about infertility - because Rowan doesn't end our story - he's our next chapter. We still talk about infertility because others talked about infertility with us. We still talk about infertility because someone out there needs to hear that this isn't how their story ends. We still talk about infertility because it is our story - I don't find my tattoo ironic because it is a part of our story. We still talk about infertility because we won't let our voice be silenced. Most importantly we still talk about infertility because too many couples that we love so much are still waiting!
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