You were 4 months old the last time I wrote and here we are less than 24 hours away from your first birthday! Did I really just type that? YOUR FIRST BIRTHDAY??!!?? We survived - we did it - we conquered the first 365 days!
What a year it has been! You, my sweet son, are spit fire and a ball of super charged energy. You are strong willed, you are stubborn, you are ornery, you are independent. (Which leads me to believe you were named correctly! Your great grandfathers were all those things) You are a lover, you are a bear hug giver, you are a sloppy big kiss planter! You are joy, you are laughter, you are so much personality. You are the light of our family - and I still can't figure out how we managed without you.
The days of this first year were long. We encountered many scary days as we faced health uncertainties. As we battled medications and bad reactions, as we traveled to many different doctors. As we waited test results.
I have never been more scared in my life than I have been this past year.
But I have also never had so much joy and love in my life than I have this past year.
Just like the days, weeks, months, years that we waited for you - this first year of your life God was always one step ahead. He kept you safe, He protected you. He carried your father and I. He caught every tear I cried. He has made his plans known for you - and for that we are so grateful.
I have to write this a day early because tomorrow - my emotions may be too much. My heart, some days, cannot handle everything I feel for you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes, but hurts in the best of ways. I have prayed - every day that I am succeeding as a parent. Wondering if I'm doing things correctly, but I'm pretty sure every parent has wondered those same things.
I keep replaying the day of your birth in my head. How scared I was, scared because I knew that my c-section was happening to keep you and I both safe, scared that something could still go seriously wrong. Scared that as soon as they placed in my arms, I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know how to be a mom or how to take care of you. One year later, I still fear those same things. I don't have a clue to what I am doing - but we've survived - you've thrived!
I remember Dr. Ramirez saying "Daddy stand up and get your camera ready, you're about to meet your son" and then you started screaming...I mean WAILING......and you haven't really stopped since then - LOL! I remember laying there crying - but not realizing I was crying and trying to see you out of the corner of my eye. My gosh you were so beautiful.....and you still are! And then 2 days later they let us bring you home - just you, dad and me and suddenly we were a family of 3 and we were doing this on our own.
I can't believe you are 1! You are so smart! You are adventurous (Lord help us now), you are crazy, you are hilarious! You are my life! You are what my life was missing and this past year my heart has been complete.
WE (your dad and I) are the lucky ones - for some reason God thought that we were worthy enough for you to call us momma and dadda. We get to raise you - we get to teach you, while at the same time allowing you to teach us. I could spend all day writing about everything my heart feels as tomorrow comes and we celebrate YOU (well and Kee).
HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY Rowan Keith! I don't know how we managed life without you! We are so thankful you are here and completed our family!
We love more than words we say or type could ever express. You are our greatest joy! We can't wait to celebrate you and your life.
All our love - for ever
Mom and Dad
