So for those of you that are my friend (or possibly stalker) on Facebook you've seen a couple of my posts regarding the Bible Study I've recently started with 7 other women from the Lafayette Church of the Nazarene. We are currently making our way through Unglued:Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst If you have never read this book, I highly recommend it and I've only completed the first 2 chapters. It is an excellent read for all women, because let's face it our emotion are ridiculous and little and very big things can make us come unglued.
We dove into the second chapter of the study last night and in this chapter Lysa discusses Michelangelo and his sculpture "David"' and the work he did to complete this structure despite any criticism or setbacks and how day in and day out Michelangelo worked faithfully on the sculpture and slept by it at night, chiseling away at the parts that 'weren't David". With a lot of very insightful and intelligent word Lysa tied this in to the masterpiece we are and how we are crafted individually by God's own work. Lysa talks about how God gives us hard places not to make us come unglued but to show us where God still needs to chisel away at us and our emotions.
During this video and thinking of the past week and my not so fine moment of coming unglued I started getting that feeling that I can only assume was God tugging at me and making me very aware that I needed to speak and share about the evident Grace and chisel work that has taken place in me. My stomach was in a knot ( you know that whole I'm going to be sick feeling), my heart was racing and I could have sworn it was about 100 degrees in Shari's living room. Shari asked in the most recent week do we have any examples of how God has chiseled away at us or shown us areas where we need chiseling? I hesitated for a moment, because honestly in the group of women, Shari is the only one who has any clue as to the journey Justin and I have walked this year and it's been refreshing to get to know people who don't totally know us, but it's hard to talk about the work of God and the grace and mercy from God, if you're not willing to discuss how God has shown or done those things to and through you.........and so I spoke!
With only the slightest (ha) of tears... "I can't believe I'm really about to share any of this, but to make a long story short, Justin and I found out at the beginning of the year that we couldn't have kids and it's been a long year and I've found myself in some very dark places and some twisted self thoughts, I didn't think I was going to be good enough for my husband anymore, or my parents or our families. This past Tuesday some close to me announced they were expecting and they've only been married a short time and I came unglued, I went off and told them I didn't care about the pregnancy and I didn't want to talk about it (I really don't care or want to talk about but there is more to that). I left work and told Justin that I was going home to throw myself a pity party and I did, for a short time. I decided to pick up this book and read the next chapter to prepare for today and then I was so overwhelmed but how God has shown me grace and how much he has chiseled away at the hard place in past couple of months. Earlier this month when we had the baby dedication at church I was able to sit through and not cry and not excuse myself. In August when Pastor Troy called students and their parents to the front I excused myself because all I could think was "what if that's never me?" But it hasn't been like that recently and I was reminded just how much work has been and is still being done on me."
End cry fest and talk and talk session, insert immediate awkward feeling expecting to be judged and stared at......nope I was wrong, I got smiles and hugs and encouragement and prayer. I hit a moment that I really needed......I need women that I could express a few feelings to and I needed a reminder that God is so so good and in the midst of our pity parties, his grace is there and like Michelangelo with the David sculpture, God never leaves our side and He won't until we are finished, and when we are finished we will gain our reward of Heaven. Isn't this a comforting thought?
After Bible Study I was connected with someone who said to me "thank you for being willing to share your story, I am currently walking the same journey."
All I could do is hug them and pray for them......because suddenly I saw why Justin and I were sent to Lafayette and why I had to wait this long for God to start the chiseling.
In moments when you feel like coming unglued take a deep breath and repeat "Oh God, chisel away"
No comments:
Post a Comment