Hopeful.....

I remember when I first realized there might be fertility issues, Justin and I had our honeymoon in Gatlinburg the middle of September. Two days after we returned he left for 6 weeks for job training, during the time he was gone I should have had my cycle (hey if it's TMI don't read my blog). When I didn't have it I got really excited I was going to make a sign that said "Welcome Home Daddy" with an arrow pointing to my belly. I was so excited. Two days before he came home I took a test - it was negative, the next day I took a test - it was negative, the morning he was coming home I took a test - it was negative. Mind you before September it had still been several months that we had been trying but I was giving my body the benefit of the doubt and thought it was taking a little time to regroup from being on birth control. 

Anyways, obviously I didn't get to make my sign, but as my body continued to not cycle....and continued.....and continued, to the point I had to take my first dose of Provera to make my body have a cycle (what kind of woman wants a cycle????.....an infertile woman who wants a baby with her awesome husband). That's when I know - this was going to be a journey. Since September it's been rough honestly, I started looking at adoption websites, looking at that cost, looking at the cost of IVF, looking at what our insurance would and wouldn't cover. I was pretty defeated. 

I had my follow up appointment with my doctor, and while I'm willing to be open about our journey, I won't disclose everything. It was a fairly productive appointment. We have a few other obstacles I have to deal with now, we have some potential difficulties that will more than likely occur during my pregnancy, BUT we have a plan. 

I spent some time this weekend with the Zent family and a lot of time talking to my mom and a lot of time with Justin and for some reason that was the perfect mix of hope that I needed.  When I walked our of that doctors office Thursday I felt hopeful for the first time since September. It's now Sunday night and I still feel hopeful. I won't lie, I will still have some down days I am sure, but it feel like and I know Justin and I are going to be blessed.....so blessed......when the time is right. It might take a few more months, we might have to try a couple of other things, but we will be blessed.

We hope and pray that all of you feel blessed by all you are given, even during some trials and dark days. Eventually there is sunshine as it can't rain forever. 

Love 

Justin and Heather